Curse you, Father!
by Ardeths Deadly Ferret
Summary: The journal of Elfwine, son of Eomer and future king of Rohan. Filled with rantings, teenage angst, observations, and secret crushes on certain princesses of Gondor. Ah, the wonders of the sixteen year old mind.
1. The Assignment aka The Tart's Arrival

Disclaimer: Everything is Tolkien's.  
  
Author's Note: I know, I know, there are already enough "journal fics" out there, but I love Elfwine and I don't think he gets enough attention. Yes, Elfwine is a canon character and no I have *no* idea what his parents were thinking when they named him. You'll notice as this story moves on the mentioning of cousins Morwen and Elboron. Those are the children of Faramir and Eowyn. Elboron is canon. Morwen is not. However, Morwen is NOT a Mary- Sue and I believe she(under possibly different names) is used throughout the fandom because for some reason, people like Faramir and Eowyn having a daughter. Eldarion's the son of Aragorn and Arwen. I'll be making up names for their various daughters. Woohoo for various daughters!  
  
Enough with my rambling. On with the show!  
  
Early Morning Bedchambers  
  
"You are so angry, Elfwine," Said my mother last night after I called one of the serving girls a cow. The wench deserved it, I still say. She's always giggling about my name and mocking me to the other servants.  
  
"Maybe if you wrote some of your thoughts down, you wouldn't shout them out at people. My mother always used to say that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  
  
Then I'll be flipping mute until the end of time, but that girl's always going to be a cow and if I don't tell her, someone else will. Of course, I was wise enough not to say that to my mother. She always gets testy when Father's off fighting something(At the moment, the remaining supporters of Sauron in Harad. Idiots.) because she thinks he'll just go and die. I know not to get on Mother's nerves around these times. I learned that the hard way.  
  
The conversation resulted in Mother assigning me the duty of keeping a journal. A JOURNAL, mind you. Not a diary. Diaries are for maidens. Mother somehow thinks writing down my thoughts will keep me from saying them. Ha ha. It's so amusing I could laugh, but instead, I'll just write my laughter down because nobody can ever say I don't do what my mother tells me to. I have a sense of duty and honor, you know. Unlike my wench of a cousin, Morwen. "Aunt, I don't want to sew. Don't make me! Aunt, I don't want to groom the horses! DON'T MAKE ME!" Little tart. There's thirteen years of parenting wasted by my aunt and uncle. Elboron is far more tolerable and doesn't constantly have his nose stuck in a book.  
  
Mid-day Dining Hall  
  
Caught the cow giggling about my name. Good Lord, woman, you've known my name since you were born! Is it still so amusing over a decade later? Elfwine. Elfwine. ELFWINE.  
  
Curse you, Father! Why did you shame me with such a name?  
Hmmmm. Shame and Name rhyme.  
Ha. That'll amuse me for a few moments.  
  
Evening Dining Hall  
  
At dinner with Mother. Aunt Eowyn, Elboron, and the tart arrived a few hours ago for a week long visit. Apparently, this nice little visit had been planned as a surprise for me since my birthday is in a few days. This is the worst gift ever. I'm spending the entire meal writing in this journal and occasionally glowering at my female companions. Not at Elboron. As I've said, he's tolerable.  
  
Elboron just asked me why I was keeping a diary. Don't I know diaries are for maidens? Elboron is no longer tolerable. If I were not such a mature and understanding young man of sixteen years, I would smack my cousin.  
  
I will settle for simply glaring at him for the rest of the meal. Mother and Aunt are discussing how things are faring between them and their husbands. Aunt is saying how wonderful Uncle Faramir is and how he's doing a wonderful job taking care of the kingdom while King Elessar and Father are away taking care of the fools in Harad.  
  
Uh oh. Aunt and Mother are looking at me. With a maternal look in their eyes. I sense doom. Or potential remarks on how handsome I am getting.  
  
"Elfwine has become quite a writer since I last saw him," Aunt says. Mother laughs in her, "I'm entertaining company and feel the need to pretend to be actually entertained" way and responds,  
"Yes, well I asked him to keep a journal to write his thoughts down in,"  
  
Two snickers. Elboron and the tart are laughing at me, their hands covering up their mouths. Glare at them. If they weren't younger and obviously smaller than me, I would have to hurt them.  
  
"I think it's very cute, Elfy," says the tart. Oh....Oh. She used THE name. I will exact vengeance. I don't care if she's a maiden. I don't care if she's small. I don't care if she's the daughter of my father's sister. I will have revenge. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon.  
  
Going to eat my food now. Put away the journal, Elfwine. Focus on your potatoes. See the potatoes, Elfwine? Eat them. That's a good lad.  
  
Late at night Bedchambers  
  
Put one of my pet mice in the tart's bed. Ah, that old mouse sacrificed himself for a good cause. I will relish that scream forever.  
  
Of course, Mother now wants all of the bedchambers checked for mice, which means one of these nights, I will probably be sharing a room with one of my cousins. I'm not going to worry about that now. When the time comes, I will think of what to do.  
  
After all, I will one day be a king and must fine-tune my strategic abilities. Speaking of my future position, why won't Father let me go to battle with him? I'm ready to fight. I've known how to use a weapon since I was four. Just because of that silly law that you can't go into battle, unless the kingdom is in a state of emergency, until you are eighteen. That's just two years away. Barely anything. Of course, there's that little thing that if both my father and I die, Rohan would be left without a king or heir making Elboron the king. Plus, my mother would no doubt die of grief.  
  
My father and I are her world, you see.  
  
I wonder if I can nick some pastries from the kitchen at this hour. I didn't get to eat much dinner. After I put my journal away, the tart kept whispering, "Elfy" and she and Elboron would burst into laughter like a bunch of.....well, I can't think of what right now, but something annoying and loud that laughs a lot. The point is, it distracted me and I excused myself from the meal.  
  
If it weren't for Father, I would suspect that I am not related to this family at all. Nobody seems to share my opinions on anything and my mother thinks the tart is the sweetest thing on Arda since, well, tarts.  
  
Agh, I've gone back to writing about pastries again. I'm going down to the kitchens. Goodnight.  
  
Mid-Morning Gardens  
  
Hiding in a tree, avoiding all family. One of the servants caught me in the kitchen last night and no amount of attempted bribery and blackmailing could stop him from informing my mother. Blast him. He goes on my "Banishing When I Become King" list along with the tart, the cow, and that strange "blind" servant who is always stealing my collection of stones.  
  
Anyway, when the servant informed my mother, she was quite upset. Not only that I would sneak food(she hates it when I do that. Can't understand why), but that she had to be woken in the middle of the night. Well, blast it woman, if you don't want to deal with it at night, than wait 'til morning. She kept complaining about me waking her up for a solid hour. I thought I was going to lose my mind.  
  
And of course, this morning at breakfast, Mother had to shoot off her mouth about my nighttime antics to Aunt and cousins. The tart has a theory that I sneaking out to meet a maiden. Little tart. My mother, who I believed would have rather had a daughter than a son, believed the tart and proceeded to scold me on sneaking out and having, "flings" with "strumpets" who I will never marry.  
  
Obviously, the mouse was not enough of a lesson for the tart. I will have to think of another form of revenge.  
  
So, I am reduced to a coward as I hide in a tree before I can be scolded for something else. Also, just so I can stay away from my cousin. Little tart. She can't climb trees. Ha ha. The daughter of the mighty Eowyn and Faramir can't climb a simple tree.  
  
It's so amusing to sit here and make fun of the tart and not get a smack for once. You were right about this journal, Mother. It does help me.  
  
Author's note: End chapter one. So, yeah. That was a lot of fun to write. I hope you guys want more because I want to write more. I'm not going to bother asking for reviews because I wouldn't post this story on a website for everyone to see if I didn't want feedback. 


	2. Birthdays, Bedwetting, and Trees! Oh my!

Disclaimer: Hmmm. Still Tolkien's? No...wait...yes. Still Tolkien's. What did you think?  
  
Author's Note: A chapter, fresh from my brain. I hope the times are understandable. When it goes from Afternoon to Early Morning, you guys understand that it's a new day, right? Heh. Thanks so much for all the positive reviews! Really, six reviews right now. That makes my day.  
  
Laureline-I don't know about Fungus, but yes the name Elfwine does grow on you and of course he's cute! His dad's Eomer(*drool*) and his mom's Lothiriel(who happens to be Faramir's cousin and therefore of Numenwhatitsname blood. Pretty folk.)  
  
Lady Laswen-I sneak out of bed to use the computer all the time. I guess you, me, and Elfwine have things in common, eh?  
  
Alexis Ravenlockes-Yeah, I love Elfwine's personality too. That's why I created it! He gets on with his name, as you've noticed. It's something he's got to get used to. I figure Elfwine's thinks it would be dishonorable to his parents to change it.  
  
Daw The Minstrel-Well, that's what I aimed for, so I guess everything worked out well.  
  
Aliana Archer and Little Crazy1-Thanks!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
July 22, Mid-Day, Stables  
  
It's raining. Gah. After yesterday's events, there was no way I was letting myself get trapped inside with everyone. If I hear "Elfy" one more time...... So, I'm out in the stables. My horse, Firefoot doesn't like it that I'm here and not feeding him. Greedy beast.  
  
Our stableboy is supposed to feed the horses, but he's constantly filching off his duties. He's allergic to horses, you see. That's sort of strange. How can that boy even live in Rohan? We don't have a horse on our flags for nothing.  
  
I like our stables. They smell like(clean) horses. Not like the weird stables in Gondor. No offense to King Elessar and Queen Arwen, but the stables in Minas Tirith smell like flowers and half their horses are skinny little elvish beasts. Selfish, headstrong, and very stubborn. Not at all like the wonderful breeds we've got here in Edoras. I'm not a picky person, but I just don't want my horse to smell like flowers when I'm riding.  
  
Bored out of my skull. I don't even think what I just wrote is even interesting.  
  
.....I hear......footsteps....light little....pitter pattering footsteps.  
  
Oh Good Lord! It's the tart! Erm....hide somewhere.....  
  
Hiding behind Flavius, one of the oldest stallions in the stables. I don't even know why Father keeps the brute. I suppose he must have been quite useful in his prime so Father's just paying the horse back.  
  
.........the tart is touching MY HORSE. She.....she can't do that. Quick, Firefoot! Bite her! Kick her! No! Nuzzling is bad! Curse you, Firefoot, you big traitor! The tart is not your friend. Why do you think I call her 'The Tart'?  
  
Oh, this is a disaster. Firefoot's having a grand time nuzzling the enemy. Oh, he will pay. No apples for two weeks! No...three weeks!  
  
Argh, this is so irritating.  
  
Later Afternoon, Dining Hall  
  
Waited for a few hours while the tart took her sweet time talking to MY HORSE. And Firefoot just stood there and listened. Not a single bite or any sort of negative reaction. We have to go over our "enemy" list again.  
  
After leaving the stables, got spotted by a group of harpies (also known as town girls hovering) around my home for some odd reason. Giggling and waving resulted. I wish they would stop doing that. Irritation beyond belief. I noticed the harpies around when I turned thirteen. When I complained about this to Mother, she smiled, ruffled my hair (messing up my ponytail. Blast her!) and told me that I was a handsome young man and asked Father to have a talk with me.  
  
I still don't understand why Mother couldn't explain things to me. It was awkward and uncomfortable with Father and I still don't understand why he had to use that foolish "Birds and the Bees" analogy.  
  
July 23, Late Morning, Bedchambers  
  
Today is my birthday. Father's still at war. He did this to me last year and the year before.  
  
Blast it.  
  
Mother decided to clean me and dress me up (Not literally. I dress and wash myself.) like some sort of doll. I thought my skin was going to come off with all the scrubbing she was making me do. Every time I asked her if I looked clean enough, she would shake her head. It's my birthday for Valar's sake. I should think I should be allowed to do what I want.  
  
Mother dressed me up in a new tunic and leggings. All shiny and clean- like. My hair's still pulled back in a ponytail. I like it that way.  
  
It's very strange for me to look in the mirror. It's like seeing a younger form of my father staring back at me. Same sun-browned skin, same golden hair, same brown eyes. Of course, I've got my mother's sharper features, but if I didn't know better, I'd say I was my father.  
  
I miss him.  
  
Sunset, Kitchens  
  
Note to self: When Aunt Eowyn says that she will cook for you, politely decline and say you have already eaten.  
  
Ergh. I'm never eating that woman's cooking again. She made me a "special" birthday lunch. Oh, it looks good, but trust me, orcs would spit that food out.  
Of course, the tart and Elboron love it. Maybe that's why they're so damnably evil sometimes. Does food influence your intentions in life?  
  
Well, for one thing, my INTENTION now is to never eat Aunt's food again. Never, ever.  
  
Got some nice gifts. Aunt Eowyn gave me a tunic with a horse sewn into the front. Elboron gave me a carving of a horse and the tart gave me a drawing of a horse.  
  
Needless to say, I got a lot of horse related objects as gifts.  
  
Mother gave me the best gift of all. A letter and a package from Father. The package contained the most amazing dagger I've ever seen. It had jewels imbedded into the hilt. Amazing, amazing, amazing. The letter was pretty much what Father sent me last year. Apology for missing my birthday. Hope all is well. Take care of Mother. Harad is losing the war. Harad's a land full of bloody fools. "Ooh, look at me! Look at me! I still worship Sauron even though he was defeated eighteen years ago! Wooo!"  
  
By the way, I'm seventeen. Isn't that interesting? One more year 'til fiiiiighting.  
  
Late at Night, Bedchambers  
  
Just put Tart's fingers in a goblet of warm water. She wet the bed. Ha ha! Take that you little twit. Call me "Elfy", will you?  
  
I was wise enough to take away the goblet after the tart relieved herself. Now there is no evidence against me. Well, except my written confession above, but one doesn't just go around reading people's journals. It's rude.  
  
July 24, Mid-day, Stables  
  
Blast it.  
  
July 25, Mid-Day, Stables)  
  
Blast it again.  
  
August 2, Sunset, Bedchambers  
  
The reason for my lack of writings for a few days was caused by the fact that I was caught in the act of returning to my bedchambers with a goblet of warm water.  
  
By that same servant who caught me in the kitchens! What is he always doing skulking around? Perhaps my mother has assigned him the duty of spying on me?  
  
.....or maybe...HE is the real one sneaking out to see maidens. Or my mother's chambermaid. Oh, I'm going to get nightmares for that....  
  
The servant roused my mother who was less than thrilled at what I had done to 'Poor Morwen'. The tart woke up about three seconds after my mother finished scolding me. My cousin was shrieking, screaming, crying, and making all sorts of noises not appropriate for a young lady of her position in the kingdom of Gondor.  
  
Ha. Wait 'til I tell Uncle Faramir.  
  
My Mother assigned me the duty of cleaning out the stables and generally being a slave to the serving staff until today. Which is why I'm writing finally. Mother is sending a letter to Father, informing him of my behavior.  
  
Infinity Blast it!  
  
August 5, Three hours before sunrise, Bedchambers  
  
Agh. I cannot sleep. I'm trying and trying and trying. Not working. I tried counting mares, relaxing myself, and even trying to force myself to sleep.  
  
Nothing is working.  
  
How irritating. I keep worrying that Father will be disturbed by Mother's letter and become distracted and thus injured. Of course, my entire family has always said I am quite paranoid when it comes to Father's possible gruesome death.  
  
Sunrise, Bedchambers  
  
Ugh. Obviously, a night of tossing and turning does not help one's health. Feeling a bit sick.....  
  
Hmmm. Well, I just lost last night's dinner. All over my blankets. I've caused enough trouble. I should probably get rid of these blankets.  
  
....and out the window they go. Falling, falling, falling.....landing....mess side first.....on Aunt Eowyn. What's she doing outside this early?  
  
Oh never mind. I probably should run now because Aunt is screaming my name and not in a good, "I worship you, Elfwine!" scream. More like a "You will soon be dead, mere mortal! Fear my wrath!" scream.  
  
Afternoon, large tree  
  
I've been hiding is this stupid tree all day. Aunt Eowyn is convinced that I dropped my blankets on her on purpose.  
  
Oh, please. I'm not that low. Plus, Aunt could snap my arm like a twig, but that doesn't influence my motives in any way, shape, or form.  
  
Nope.  
  
Feeling sort of dizzy. I never liked heights that much. The little trees in the garden are fine. This one's HUGE. Hm. Maybe I should have hid under Mother's bed. She would have never looked there.  
  
Of course, her cat would have eaten me. Stupid animal.  
  
Sunset, Large Tree(still)  
  
I should get a dog.  
  
Night, Large Tree(I think I'm stuck.)  
  
Well, my luck has finally run out. I am stuck in this stupid, moronic, IDIOTIC, IRRITATING tree.  
  
I have a feeling I'm going to get eaten by a bear. I blame my family.  
  
Late Night, Large Tree(Heeeeelp me.)  
  
Are there bears in Rohan?  
  
August 6, Mid-Day, Bedchambers  
  
Around sunrise, Master Legolas, who happened to be visiting Rohan (He and his dwarf friend always show up without warning. They're a bit creepy.) noted that I was missing and somehow found me. Don't ask me how. Quite frankly, I'm not sure I even want to know.  
  
Anyway, much to my humiliation Master Legolas rescued me from the tree, patted me on the head, and told me not to do it again. "There's a good lad, Elfwine. Now you run along home to your Mother. She's quite worried." Must.....gouge....out ears....  
  
Aunt Eowyn, the tart, and Elboron left. Let's just say I was not heartbroken to see them leave.  
  
However, Master Gimli and Master Legolas have decided to grace Rohan with their presence for a while.  
  
Valar help me.  
  
TBC....  
  
Author's Note: There's the new chapter. Yup. Yes sureee bob. I was worried it wouldn't be as good as the first chapter, but I think it turned out alright. 


	3. Large and Angry Harad Residents

Author's Note: Erm....sorry it took so long. I've had a crazy couple of weeks. My brother graduated from college and then I just had a helluva a lot of work. I'm sorry to say this, but don't expect another update until next weekend. Sucks, don't it? Sucks even more for me. I'm the one with all the projects and tests and junk. School is evil.  
  
And believe it or not, this story does have a plot other than just 'Elfwine writes about stuff'. There's fighting action! Eventually. Basically, Elfwine ends up getting in on the battle at Harad with his father. And no, he does not disguise himself as a random common soldier. Rohan's smarter after Eowyn's little romp into the face of evil. They take their soldier's names.  
  
August 8, Afternoon  
  
So.....what can I really write about? Master Legolas and Master Gimli are here. They won't let me forget how they found me stuck in a tree. Well, ha ha. I'd like to see them outride me on a horse. Who would be laughing then? I'll give you a hint. IT WOULD BE ME.  
  
I am a bit worried about Father. A rumor's been spreading through Rohan that Harad was suddenly backed up by a large group of remaining orcs and more human forces. Of course....last year there was a rumor that my best friend, Jimmy was actually a dog that a wizard had turned into a human.  
  
Honestly. The things people believe.  
  
August 9, Mid-morning  
  
Got in a fight with one of the servants. Caught him insulting my parents. Saying my Father spent so much time away from the kingdom because he hated my Mother. The servant was also bold enough to say that I was an illegitimate and Father's not really my father.  
  
I have a black eye and a split lip, but that servant boy won't be insulting my family again. He may not be walking for a while either......  
  
Just in case you're wondering, I bit his ankle. Very hard. I drew blood. Mother always said I have teeth like a wolf.  
  
August 11, Evening  
  
The worst has happened. The worst.  
  
It started with a letter from Father. He sends them occasionally just to give Mother and I an update on what's happening down in Harad. He wrote what he always writes. The war is going fine. It should be over soon. Harad's still losing.  
  
But the end of the letter was the most disturbing part. There was a few drops of blood.  
  
People do not bleed when things are fine. Has Father been lying to us? Is the war not going all that well and he's just been lying to keep Mother and I from worrying?  
  
PEOPLE DO NOT BLEED WHEN THINGS ARE FINE!  
  
August 11, Night  
  
What if Father is injured? What if he is injured badly? If he is injured badly and goes into battle, he's venerable. He could be dealt a fatal wound.  
  
August 11, Early Morning  
  
What if he dies?  
  
August 12, Mid-Morning  
  
Well, I suppose I must have been wearing the 'I am worried' expression on my face all morning because Mother, the servants, Master Gimli, and Master Legolas all asked me what was wrong.  
  
I always feel awkward talking to people about things I am worried about. What if they think I'm stupid or foolish?  
  
I ended up talking to Master Legolas after he sat across from me in the Dining Hall and stared at me for a solid ten minutes. Elves have creepy stares.  
  
Anyway, Master Legolas told me that my worries were justified. War is never safe, no matter how idiotic the enemy. He said to remember that Father is strong and capable warrior. He's probably quite safe.  
  
The word "probably" is not very comforting and it does not erase the fact that my father was bleeding.  
  
August 14, Afternoon  
  
I have been meandering around the house for the past two days. Everything's been dull. Mother's had me taking extra lessons to take my mind of Father. She can tell I'm worried. History is boring. Like I care about King Elessar's bloodline. Bah.  
  
August 14, Afternoon  
  
.......King Elessar has two elven "brothers" named Elladan and Elrohir. They are twins. I wish I had a twin.  
  
August 14, three seconds later  
  
On second thought.....my twin would probably be evil. So, maybe not.  
  
August 16, Evening  
  
Still worried about Father. It is torture not knowing what is happening. I think I'll have to go after him. Just to see if he is alright.  
  
August 16, Late Evening  
  
In fact, going after Father isn't such as bad idea. I won't be fighting in any battles. I'll just pop down to Harad. Just to make sure Father is alright. I won't be breaking any rules and I'll leave Mother a note telling her......I've gone to visit the Aunt Eowyn. Lying isn't exactly the best idea, but Mother would probably send someone after me and bring me back. That's not what I need. I've gone to Minas Tirith before. Aunt Eowyn and co. are staying there due to the fact that Uncle Faramir is running Gondor while King Elessar fights with Father. I think I have mentioned that before. Oh well. Repeating things is good for the mind.  
  
Or so I'm told.  
  
Why would my tutors lie to me?  
  
August 17, Early Morning  
  
Leaving for Harad. Obviously, I am sneaking out. Firefoot is prissy in the mornings. Stupid spoiled horse. How am I ever going to take this brat to war? They don't allow brats in war.  
  
.....Who is this "They" I just spoke about?  
  
Anway, ho hum....riding....south. Harad is south and so is my Father. Yay for the south?  
  
Well, not really yay. Harad is in the south and I certainly don't like Harad.  
  
People do not bleed when they are fine. Just keep telling yourself that, Eflwine.  
  
......Why am I writing to myself?  
  
August 18, Evening  
  
Traveling in August, southwards was not my brightest of ideas.  
  
August 20, Afternoon  
  
Still heading south. I'm not exactly sure how long it takes to Harad, but I'm sure I won't miss it when I get there.  
  
How can you miss two armies attacking eachother?  
  
.....Well, if I were blind I could miss them.....  
  
August 23, Evening  
  
Okay.....I've been traveling for a while. I think Firefoot hates me. He's not used to traveling for so long at such a pace.  
  
I SEE LIGHTS!  
  
August 24, Mid-day  
  
Okay, a little update here. It turned out the lights were coming from a Harad military camp. Not exactly the best thing for the future king of Rohan to walk right into.  
  
So, obviously, I snuck around a bit.  
  
Then they spotted me. And I ran. And they chased me. And I ran some more. And they chased me. And I continued to run and they stopped chasing me, but I continued to run.  
  
I've just learned that adrenaline is an advantage.  
  
Anyhoo, ended up running until I crashed into a rock. Well, it wasn't really a rock. It was actually a man. And not just any man.  
  
King Elessar. He recognized me right away. That man has the memory of an Oliphant. He wasn't very happy to see me out in the middle of nowhere, unarmed (I had left my weapons with Firefoot), lacking a horse, alone, and covered in dirt.  
  
It's the desert. You get dirty in the desert. And who is he to question my cleanliness? I've seen the way he looks after living in the forest and whatnot.  
  
King Elessar had some of his soldiers take me to their camp. Where I met my Father. Turns out he is injured. Not fatally, but it did require many stitches and he can't go into battle for a few days. Naturally, having me show up did not improve Father's mood.  
  
.....So....he yelled at me....and yelled....and lectured. The whole camp has felt........and heard the wrath of my father. I bet they won't be angering him anytime soon.  
  
But then something really weird happened. Father stopped in the middle of his lecture (which I've never known him to do) and suddenly embraced me, which was even more weird. Father was never one for physical closeness. At least not with me.  
  
But I get off topic.....  
  
Father was hugging me, saying how much he missed me and how he was glad that I was alright and that the Harad soldiers hadn't caught me.  
  
And of course, being the loser I am, I began to cry. Told him how I missed him and how I feel so out of place at home and how the servants make fun of my name and question my birth. Told him that Mother doesn't understand me and the Tart and Elboron are annoying and vile. Told Father how I worry that he's going to die and I want this whole stupid war to end-  
  
.......deep breaths.....deeeeeeep breaths. Wow. These past couple days have been rather depressing.  
  
.....but Father's alive and he's not going into battle until he's recovered, so he'll have his full strength to fight.  
  
AND GUESS WHAT?!  
  
I get to stay here! Father says it is too dangerous to send me back alone and they can't spare soldiers to escort me.  
  
Ha ha! For once parental worry comes in handy.  
  
August 27, Evening  
  
Firefoot found camp. Trotted in, dragging my supply bag and practically begging for food. Can't that animal do anything on its own? Honestly, it's like I spoiled it rotten or something. It must be the stable boy. Blast him. He spoiled my horse.  
  
Father thought he was amusing and he just kept laughing as I tried to groom all the dirt and nasty things from Firefoot. Firefoot kept running away and ended up kicking a bucket of water at my head. Oh, that horse will pay.  
  
And Father just keeps laughing.  
  
.....Well, I guess it's alright that I can make him happy.  
  
TBC.....  
  
Author's Note: Well.....that was weirdly sappy. Ah well....Elfwine's entitled to sap. I just caught up with his father. Wouldn't you be sappy?! The poor boy been's tortured about his father.  
  
.....yeah. Anyhoo, I promise I'll try to put more laughs in the next chapter.  
  
HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR DADDY TODAY?! 


	4. Not My Day

Author's Note: Sooo.....yeah. Hello again. I really have no excuse for not updating. I'm lazy......and I've been working on a Peter Pan based fic. Shame on me.  
  
August 29, Mid-Day  
  
Sigh.....  
  
I would have expected something a little more exciting to happen in a military camp. All that's happened is one of the soldiers gotten bitten by a Harad desert spider and now the poor fellow's turned purple and his leg's swollen to the size of a tree trunk.  
  
......Okay, well that IS sort of exciting. More funny, really. Father told me to go sit in his tent and think about how I would feel if someone laughed at my misfortunes.  
  
Is it my fault that the soldiers cry at the drop of hat? I'm just a boy and I don't cry when people laugh at me.  
  
Ha ha. I made a soldier cry.  
  
August 30, Evening  
  
King Elessar returned from his scouting.....or whatever mission out in the desert. He looked a little amused to still see me here, but agreed with Father that soldiers couldn't be spared to send me home.  
  
I got here alone alright! I can't get back alright?!  
  
Sometimes Father and the King act too much like women. Worry, worry, worry. Next thing I know, they'll be knitting.  
  
August 30, Night  
  
I now have a mental image of my father knitting.  
  
I am going to get nightmares.  
  
September 5, Afternoon  
  
Basically, nothing's been happening so I haven't been writing. The soldier with the spider bite recovered (I call him Sissy....) and he gives me glares whenever he sees me, insults me, and has me do annoying chores. Good thing he's not in my father's army. Otherwise, I'd be HIS superior.  
  
Gondorian soldiers are stupid.....and of course Father thinks me doing some chores will keep me occupied and teach me not to ride all the way out into the desert.  
  
Father sent a letter to Aunt Eowyn telling her to send a letter to Mother, supporting my story of going to visit them. Father doesn't very much like to lie to Mother, but he knows that if he tells her that I am out in the middle of a war with him then she'll panic.  
  
The last time Mother went into a real panic she locked me in my room, fearing that if I left something would eat me.  
  
......right.  
  
September 25, Morning  
  
Father's been better for a few days and has been going into to battle each morning, leaving me alone in the camp with the few soldiers who stay behind to guard supplies and such. King Elessar's here as well. The two kings are rarely out at the same time. That way there's a leader always fresh and ready to fight.  
  
I am taking all this extra time I have got to sketch wildlife and such. I doubt I'll see Harad for a while once I return home and I want to remember things.  
  
Firefoot's being doing fine. He's the son of my Father's stallion, Fleetfoot, you know. Firefoot's quite happy to see his Father as well. He's been prancing around, trying to show off.  
  
He panicked when he got his hoof stuck in a hole and started shrieking bloody murder.  
  
Needless to say, Fleetfoot was not impressed.  
  
The men generally cook for themselves in the camp, leaving me to make some sort of weird stew on my own. It's quite good, if I must say so myself. I catch these little lizards that live in the desert and mix them with a weird onion type thing.  
  
Put some horse manure in water and gave it to Sissy, the angry Gondorian soldier. Told him in was a Rohan dish that only royalty was entitled too. He ate it and said it was quite good.  
  
Twenty minutes later he was vomiting in a nearby bush.  
  
Ho hum, I love myself.  
  
September 30, Afternoon  
  
The Harad soldiers have been becoming more vicious the past few days and I think Father and King Elessar are noticing that. They've pulled camp back about a day's worth.  
  
Father has assured me that it's just a sign that Harad is getting desperate.  
  
Well, no offense Father, but desperate armies can still win a war. Sometimes, desperation is just what a losing army needs to get their victory.  
  
October 1, Mid-day  
  
Things have been eerily quiet. When King Elessar led out a troop to fight, no Harad soldiers were in sight. They searched for a whole day, but found no one. It's like the army just picked up and left.  
  
I don't like it and apparently, neither does Father or King Elessar.  
  
The Day of Spirits is at the end of the month. All the adults hate it, but it's a well known children practice in Rohan. The idea is that on the 31st of October, the Dead walk and you can speak with them. I intend to try and reach my Great-Uncle Theoden and maybe my Father's parents as well. I am not sure how. I've been trying to speak with them since I was little and they've never responded, but maybe this year they will.  
  
I've just noticed that Sissy's nose looked like a fried turnip. He hates me even more since that whole manure incident.  
  
I still love myself. So, ha ha.  
  
October 7, Evening  
  
Today was not a good day. I knew something would go wrong when I tripped over a log this morning. When you have a bad morning, you have a bad day.  
  
Harad soldiers led an ambush. King Elessar led troops out as he does every day. The Harad soldiers had reappeared again after that weird day of no fighting.  
  
Anyhoo, Harad ambushed camp. Came in shrieking and screaming, killing everyone they could.  
  
I feel bad for laughing at Sissy now. You should honor the dead.  
  
Father organized as many soldiers as he could, but it was chaos. Fighting took place and I could barely keep track of who was on our side and who was on Harad's side.  
  
In the crowd, I got separated from Father. Heard him yelling orders, but I couldn't see him.  
  
I've never liked crowds. They make me feel like I can't breathe and I get dizzy. The leader of the Harad troop (Who looked like an orc with a bad hair day. Seriously. His mother MUST have abandoned that ugly brute.) kept urging his troops on. There was a general over all panic as Father's troops seem to have one thought. That they were going to die. I'm not quite sure why, but that's what they thought. They started to retreat and the Harad soldiers moved forward. I tried to find Father, but I got pushed and stumbled into a rather deep dried up creek.  
  
As much as I hate to admit it, I hid there. I was terrified. I really don't like the idea of battle anymore and I am sure Father will be ashamed of me.  
  
I curled up into a ball and sat in the creek for a very long time. I don't really remember much, oddly. Just screams and such, which is strange and irritating. I also remember my Father yelling. I couldn't make out his words.  
  
However, I DO remember finally peeking out when I heard no more sounds. Everything was gone. Completely and totally gone. There was nothing but sand......  
  
.....and blood. 


	5. Please, don't eat my organs

Author's Note: Hello, everyone! Sorry for the......lack of story for a while. Anyhoo, new chapter! The next one shouldn't take as long as this one did.  
  
October 9, Mid-Day  
  
So, I'm sitting on a rock in the middle of the desert. All alone. Blast. You may be wondering how I'm still writing in this journal. Well, I was holding it when Harad attacked and just held on to it. The one thing I hold on to. A sword or some sort of weapon really would have been better.  
  
Go figure.  
  
October 9, Night  
  
I'm thirsty. And lost. And alone. Did I mention I was lost? There's not a sign of human life out here at all. It is like both armies disappeared. I am determined to find them. There wasn't even anything left on the ground. No dead bodies, no dropped weapons, nothing. It is like Father left without me.  
  
Or Harad won, stripped the dead bodies and then took them to sacrifice them to Slawson, God of the Underworld or whatever desert savages do with their enemies.  
  
I choose not to usually think that way.  
  
October 10, Evening  
  
I have an update! I went wandering around for a while, following a faint set of footprints I had found. It was lucky that I found them. The wind usually destroys any sort of marking in the sand.  
  
Anyway, followed the footprints. They led me to a little pond sort of thing in the middle of the desert. There were trees to.  
  
My tutor back at home tried to teach me about the desert once. Of course, I was daydreaming about myself whacking him over the head with a chair, so I didn't really catch what he was saying.  
  
I believe the pond thing is called an Oasis or something. Got a drink and a nice shady rest. Then went in the direction that the footprints had been going.  
  
Walked around a bit and found a large group of angry birds. Large birds. With talons and sharp beaks. They looked hungry and so I sort ran really fast past them and kept running for a while.  
  
Well, you never know when birds will attack! Those things could have been man-eating! They could have pecked my eyes out and then slowly eaten my major organs, surviving on me for weeks!  
  
....I think the sun is getting to me.  
  
October 12, Noon  
  
Still wandering. Haven't had a drink in a really long time. Vomited a while ago. I am assuming that is bad. Really wish I had paid more attention when my tutor was talking about surviving in the desert. Oh, hey, look! Those creepy birds are flying above me.....hmmm....that's probably not good.  
  
I think I will just lie down for a bit.....  
  
October 14, Evening  
  
Apparently, my last entry ended with me passing out from heat stroke. Soon after, apparently, those evil birds flew down TO FEAST ON MY ORGANS!  
  
Didn't I tell you they were after me?  
  
Fortunately, a scout from my Father's army was out in my area. Saw me, thinks, "Oh my! My prince is about to be eaten by rabid desert birds! I better save him!"  
  
So he scares of the birds, picks up my limp and almost lifeless body and brings me to camp. Father hadn't known I had just gotten lost in the chaos of the fight. He had thought Harad had recognized me and taken me captive. How they would have recognized me, I do not know. I suppose back when Rohan and Harad had been trying to make peace, representatives might have seen me, but that was when I was very small. The armies had moved east, following the Harad armies, trying to get me back and to crush them. They succeeded in crushing them and Harad was getting ready to give up.  
  
Anyway, Father freaked out.  
  
How would YOU react if a scout came riding into camp with what looked like your dead son in his arms?  
  
But, obviously, I am not dead. Otherwise, this journal entry would be very creepy. After a few moments of panic and assurances that I was not YET dead, there was more panic. I could eventually be dead.  
  
So, King Elessar took me into Father's tent and did a little bit of his, "Bwahahaha! I can heal anyone! Fear me! Bwahahaha!" thing and put a wet cloth on my head. When I woke up, I was given lots of water and was refused the right to leave Father's bedroll.  
  
So, I am sitting here. Writing. And writing some more.  
  
October 13, Morning  
  
Harad gave up! Peace negations were made during the night! We're going home. If were able to, I would so be dancing right now.  
  
...How will I explain this to Mother?  
  
It takes about six days to get to Rohan from here. I'll write again when we get home.  
  
October 19, Afternoon  
  
Home again! And feeling much better. Horribly embarrassed that King Elessar had to treat me like a little baby and I will try not think about the whole, "I snuck out and went to Harad" thing ever again. Mother wants to known how I got such a suntan while visiting Aunt Eowyn.  
  
Said that she didn't want to know.  
  
October 20, Night  
  
It is nice to be home again. I can tell that Father wants to have some sort of Father-Son talk with me, but seems to be a little uncomfortable actually doing it. Oh well, I'd be uncomfortable talking with him. He probably wants to scold me.  
  
Master Legolas and Master Gimli left while I was in Harad. King Elessar will be arriving in about a week to visit with his family. Peace celebrations and whatnot.  
  
I am looking forward to seeing Eldarion. Last time I saw him, we were ten. Not really sure about his five sisters though.  
  
October 21, Night  
  
Father got his Father-Son talk. It was weird. Father kept talking about how he would hate to see me injured. How the kingdom would suffer a great loss. Then he started talking about how I am going to be a great king. How he is so proud of me. Then he sort of moved forward like he wanted to embrace me or something, but backed off.  
  
Weird. Does he think that I do not like him anymore? Perhaps he is blaming himself for me getting lost in the desert? I will have to look into this.  
  
In the morning, though. Father's having "private time" with Mother. Youdon't need to guess what they're doing.  
  
TBC....  
  
Author's Note: New chapter coming soon. SOON. And, I'm not sure about up- ing the rating to PG-13 for the last comment. I think the story still deems a PG rating, but I suppose with that comment and the war and such, I could up it. 


	6. Aragorn's Brady Bunch

Author's Note: See?! See?! This update didn't take as long as the last one. Bless Lord Tolkien and his cotton socks, there's an update! As for the names of Eldarion's sisters, Melyanna means 'Dear Gift' Helethwen means 'Glass Maiden' Lothwen means 'Flower Maiden' Nimorn means 'White Tree' Gilwen means 'Star Maiden' For those elvish speaking nuts, if I've spelled something wrong, tell me and I'll try to fix it.  
  
October 23, Evening  
  
Bored. Boredy bored bored. After seeing war, everything here seems so peaceful.  
  
Maybe I'll train the housecat to leap out of the bushes at people.  
  
October 24, Morning  
  
Tried to train the cat. Now have several claw marks all over my hands. Ow.  
  
October 25, Afternoon  
  
King Elessar and family should be here in a few days. I'm not looking forward to having all those girls in my house. Not to mention the fact that Queen Arwen is pregnant. Again. The King must have gone to visit her several months ago, because from what I've heard, she is several months along.  
  
Eldarion has five sisters. The oldest is Melyanna. Then the twins, Helethwen and Lothwen. Then Nimorn, and last Gilwen. I cannot stand them. The last time they were here, they were all hyperactive little brats that destroyed all of my things and got me into trouble. Well, Gilwen did not because she was an infant at the time. Now, it is seven years later. Melyanna is sixteen. The twins are fourteen. Nimorn is ten and Gilwen is seven. Valar protect me.  
  
October 26, Mid-day  
  
Mother got annoyed at me when she discovered me putting garlic in the rooms that the girls would be staying in. I heard that garlic keeps demons away. Mother has no sense at all. If she stopped and thought for a minute, she would realize that that group of young females is horribly evil.  
  
Father just thinks it is funny.  
  
The servants have been spending all day preparing the house for the king. Everything is all shiny. I went into the Solar and stumbled out, shielding my eyes. The sun reflected off of everything.  
  
October 27, Late Morning  
  
They're here. From now on, the girls shall be known as The Enemy, for that is what they are.  
  
October 28, Mid-Morning  
  
The worst has happened. Worst, worst, worst.  
  
Today started as a relatively good day. Eldarion and I spent the morning catching up. Most of the woman in the serving staff would stop doing their work just to gawk at Eldarion, though. He found that rather annoying. I found it amusing.  
  
Eldarion and I were sitting on the main stairs, just talking. Just talking as friends do when suddenly we hear this little tapping sound. I stand up to look for the source of this noise and find it. It is Melyanna. Running into the Main Hall with her little shoes tapping against the floor.  
  
Of course, the trollop did not watch where she was going (Probably because of all that long black hair in her face) and crashed into a table, sending my mother's favorite face onto the ground, shattering.  
  
Now, Princess of Gondor or not, the head of servants, Frith, will yell at you if you've done something wrong. So, Frith began to yell. Scream, actually. Saying how that vase was an heirloom in my mother's family.  
  
All this noise had attracted Eldarion's attention. By now, he was right behind me and we were watching his sister get a verbal beating.  
  
Melyanna started to curse Frith off. I have never, ever seen anyone do that to Frith and apparently, neither had he, because he shut up and I think he actually started to cry because he ran from the room, his hands over his face. Eldarion, then made that 'I'm trying to be subtle, but I want your attention NOW' cough and Melyanna looked right up at us and I got a good look at her for the first time since she was nine.  
She had matured a lot since then. Her hair wasn't a big black bush anymore. It was long and wavy, managed pretty well. Like princesses wear it. She was pale like the elves and she had big blue eyes.  
  
I thought she was beautiful.  
  
I've been damned! Cursed! Someone had put a curse on me because the real me would NEVER look that way at Melyanna. Not only is she the younger sister of my dear friend, Eldarion, she is a member of The Enemy.  
In stories the heroes do not have....feelings for evil side. How do you think the world would have turned out if King Elessar had fallen in love with Sauron?!  
  
I shudder to think.  
  
Shudder.  
  
October 29, Evening  
  
Dinner was no fun. The King and Queen spent most of the dinner keeping me in a polite interrogation. Meaning, they asked me everything there is to know about me, but in a polite fashion.  
  
And Gilwen threw a pea at my head. What a little brat. Plus, Father and Mother had me seated with The Enemy. Eldarion was next to me, so that was alright, but the "adults" were at a different section of the table. Meaning, they could talk and we couldn't hear them and vice versa.  
The twins proceeded to finish their own sentences and Nimron kept staring out the window. Gilwen talked to herself, I suppose she was daydreaming. Melyanna asked me not to tell her parents about what she had done to Frith because she was supposed to act lady like. Ha.  
Eldarion and I started talking about Rohan's horses and I felt a little more comfortable until Gilwen crawled under the table. She then decided that sitting on my feet would be grand fun and went and did that. Joy and fun. Rapture and ecstasy.  
Melyanna then got down under the table to bring Gilwen back up and at the same time, I sort of ducked my head under to tell Gilwen to get off my feet or I could make her stay here very unpleasant. I sort of half picked her up and Melyanna crawled over and took Gilwen from me. She thanked me in a whisper and said I was quite good with children and she bet I would be a good father one day.  
For some reason that comment made me extremely uncomfortable and I coughed and tried to get my head up quickly.  
Of course, I forgot my head was under the table. Now, the adults who had not been paying attention to us, paid attention now. They saw the future king of Rohan hit his head under the table, pull it our quickly and then sort of topple backwards onto the floor.  
I'm a prince! I've been trained to eat correctly in social settings! Stupid Gilwen. Revenge WILL be mine.  
Of course Melyanna laughed and for some reason I felt glad that I had at least accomplished that.  
  
Author's Note: Coming soon; Halloween in Middle Earth. Oooh, ahhh! Yeah, I know it doesn't exist, but I like Halloween, so...fah on you. It's my story and it is fanfiction. I can create things! 


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